Scotland: A study in pubs and growing up

So here's the thing: I should be using this blog for my study abroad experience, and thus far, I haven't done a great job of doing so.

So here's a break down of every day since i've been here:

Day 1- Jetlagged and very tired,  I went out with Christine and her mother, which was a blast. We got some dinner, then went to a local bar and got some drinks. Getting back home was a hike unfortunately, and I have a feeling there will be no easy way to do it. We found some pubs in this nice back alley called Ashton Lane, a cobble-stoned street with street musicians. I dropped a two-pence coin some guys guitar case, my first coin given to Scotland.The flat was lonely and kind of scary, and i'm still unsure if someone was actually living here (I keep hearing some creaking and I can't tell if it's an opening door or not...i'm scared to check). I'm also not sure if i'm living with freshers (first years) or international students. I'm really hoping it's international students. I also missed breakfast with Christine and her mom today because my phone is an hour behind what the time actually is (I don't know why), and so my alarm didn't go off. I did figure out that the desk chair in my room  spins really fast and can roll across the room....not that i've tried it.

Day 2- Had my first experience on the Glasgow "Underground" today. There's also a subway station in that area to downtown Glasgow, which I took today. It is so easy to get around, considering the track is a giant loop, which is awesome. Buchanan Street is like the time's Square of Glasgow. It's a pedestrianized, cobble-stone street (A staple of Scottish streets, evidently) with lots of shops, museums, and theatres. Downtown is a wonderful area, full of beautiful architecture and tremendous music and people. I heard at least 17 different accents walking through. I got the phone I wanted, and a very simple plan that will only be about ten pounds a month (BOOM). Also,they have like 14 digits in their phone numbers, which seems excessive to me. Also the phones don't ring here? It's just a long beeping sound....what the hell is going on here? I also bought some groceries today (for 14 pounds I get milk, bread, some plastic cups and silverware, peanut butter, water and apples....I AM THE MASTER OF LIVING ON MY OWN).

Day 3-  Checked with the main desk right now to see if I can expect any of my roommates today. Apparently someone should be living with me already.....where are they?  I didn't go out last night, so it was very quiet. Spent most of the night journaling, reading, or watching illegal online versions of shows. I walked around Byres Road a bit during the day, which is the main street in the West End of Glasgow. It's full of life and business. the whole driving-on-the-left-side-of-the-road thing still has not fully registered with me yet. It's pretty insane that people can jay-walk when cars come whipping around the corner. The cars are significantly smaller, but i'm convinced one would throw me at least 40 feet. Also, i accidentally put all of my groceries in the freezer instead of the fridge, and my milk and water froze. My apples are all of varying shapes, and squishy following the defrosting. Maybe I need to get a little better at this surviving on my own stuff.

Less than an hour later- I have one flatmate! Her name is Qiao (pronounced Chow, but she said I could call her Georgia...thank god), and she's from China. She's very tired, but at least i'm not lonely anymore. My phone was acting up pretty terribly (apparently Orange (the company) gave told me the wrong number, which is great), but the problem seems to be relatively "fixed" after hours calling the phone company and bitching to others. I wandered around campus a bit today....it's absolutely huge. I have no idea what are academic buildings and which are offices...so the 17th should be fun. All of it looks like something that Dracula should be haunting (which is coincidentally a term they use for "visited frequently", see: "It's a popular haunt in these areas".) Or even Hogwarts. The Union (giant tower) is taller than Gasson, and even older. All of it is incredibly intimidating. Christine and I went out with her roommate, Rachel, and another girl that Rachel knew, named Frida. Both are really awesome. We went out to his nice restaurant (on Ashton Lane) that used to be a theatre and now is a pub and eatery. Really awesome beer (Tennents, mmmmm), and great music selection. They do live music too, and i'm really looking forward to hearing some Scottish bands in pubs soon. Stole a cloth napkin for a dish towel, because why not express my kleptomania over here too? I'm meeting a lot of people over here that remind of folks back home, but maybe i'm just looking for comparisons.

Day 4- Orientation. We heard about how to register for courses and the process of getting everything finalized as far as academics go. The Study Abroad and Exchange Office does a lot for us, which is really nice. I'm in the process of checking with my adviser to see how I go about carrying over credits and so on. I might take a Exploring Scottish Culture class, which would be really cool. It's set up similarly to American Studies, in that in covers the History and the Literature of Scotland throughout time and how culture shaped the country, rather than the other way around. There's this really amazing event happening in Scottish Parliament right now, where for two years (it's been going on for a year) the people have the opportunity to vote on whether Scotland will receive it's independence from the UK. Apparently that is all supposed to be decided by April. It would be incredible, seeing as for years Scotland has gone back and forth on the idea of not being ruled by Great Britain, and seeking it's freedom. The woman (one of the Study Abroad Advisers, Collette McGowan) explained it that you can ask any Scottish citizen, and on any given day they will give you a different answer to the question "should Scotland by free?". The Scottish Culture course would cover this idea, and focus on it's impact on the country. We met the rest of the BC students who are here (there's 5 of us total) and planned with the BC liason several trips. Her name is Rhona and she's wonderful. Plus, BC covers all of the expenses, and frankly, what the hell else could you want out of this abroad experience? So we're going out to dinner with her next week, then to a futbol game, then a weekend trip to the Highlands (and to Loch Ness........fuck yeah Nessie). the other students from BC are really awesome. I actually went on Kairos with one of the girls (Michele). I was talking to the other boy with me (Sean) and he was also trying to figure out the whole Bank of America-getting money issue. He said that he was told that Barclay would maybe give him a debit card which would work with his BOA account. So we walked (like a 45 minute walk) into the East-end of the city to the nearest Barclay chain. When we got there, they said we'd have to open an account with them, and we couldn't do that if we were only here for one semester. Apparently that's an issue with most banks in the UK. Also had some of the best fish and chips i've ever. Scottish pubs are the freakin' best. Went grocery shopping last night, and walked over 50 pounds of groceries two miles back to my flat in the rain. Scotland has me as her Bitch.


Which brings us to Today, Day 5- Went on my walking tour today of Glasgow, and took lots of pictures. Finally saw the majority of the University, which is overwhelmingly huge. But the tour guide was helpful. There are competing Student Unions here, so I'll be joining one of those. It feels like fall over here, but every night it rains. I keep thinking "and at night, the rain comes..." in a really ominous voice. Also, apparently it's not appropriate to sing to yourself around here? And I thought the streets were going to be filled with that. Right now, I am drinking my first legally-purchased beer from a grocery store. Stella tastes so much better in Europe, and I don't know why.

So that's Scotland so far in a nutshell. It's wonderful, and scary, and nothing like I expected. Thank God for that.

Until later,

Scotland: a-broad

Today I sit in the big city of Glasgow, Scotland. After 16 hours of travel, a rain storm (I've been told by my friends here before me that I brought the rain....sorry guys), a cheap cell phone purchase, a flat all by myself, and the first sweater of September (say whatttt?) I am finally abroad.

I had a lot of expectations about going abroad. Mostly the negative ones, which are just as unhealthy as the good expectations we hold. I had expectations of missing a flight, not being able to communicate with anyone, getting lost, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and so on. I tried to keep an open mind, but it's hard to when you feel like there's some many things to take care of and there's only one of you. The stress kept me up most nights, and that includes when I finally got here. Loneliness, and a feeling like you can't communicate with anyone you actually want to talk to, can do that to you.And while I swore last night that I wasn't ready for this experience, i'm starting to understand something. The thing is, I was not meant to be ready for this experience. No one else is, so why should I be?

Experience is only as important as you make it. My expectations (regardless of how real or ridiculous they may have been) may have soiled this experience if I hadn't realized that part of going abroad is getting lost a bit. You have to not know what to do. Living on your own may be hard, but that's the point. And now it has me asking: What else could I have expected?

So here's some highlights/thoughts from the experience thus far:
-Sat next to a wonderful Brit, named Amanda, on the flight over to London. She was heading home after 12 and half years, to say goodbye to her sister who had died. Still she was one of the most cheerful people I had met thus far. She was just so happy to going home. I hope I feel that way when I am coming back the states.
-The differences between TSA and the airport personnel in Great Britain is kindness. the Heathrow airport staff was so wonderful with all of my questions. Logan airport staff yelled at me.
-I wish I had brought an umbrella.
-Glasgow has some of the most beautiful architecture I have ever seen. I can't wait to visit more of Scotland to what else there is here.
-While I felt really lonely and lost at this time yesterday, I realized that a cell phone has made me feel that much more comfortable. I don't know if that's sad or if that's just the future. Probably both.
-Loneliness takes over when you realize that it's just you and your thoughts. And when those thoughts scare you, that's the worst. But perhaps that's just to show the importance of company.
-If the walk to campus wasn't such a bitch, i'd feel much better about my residence.
-I could used to this place. And I will.

And with that, I have only more expectation: To have a good time, to enjoy it. While it lasts.

Until later,

Do you like me, or do you like-like me?

Found this tonight during one of my random patches of insomnia. I really enjoy it, mainly because it's an idea that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Which is better: to be liked, or to be honest? I've always believed that honesty is the best policy, and yet I still have (a natural human compulsion) to be liked. It drives me on a daily basis, and it's something i'd really like to get over. Maybe these ten things will serve as incentive.

What can I say, i'm a work in progress.

Read on, and enjoy:

 by Lori Deschene

For most of my life, my need to be liked overshadowed all my other needs. I was always trying to manipulate perception, adapting myself to receive validation. It was draining and counterproductive, since very few people actually knew me—the real me—which is a prerequisite to liking me.
I’ve since learned it’s actually a good sign if there are some people who don’t accept or agree with me.
I’m not suggesting we should be rude, inconsiderate, or disrespectful. This post isn’t about disregarding other people’s feelings.
This is about releasing our stress about other people’s opinions.
When you’re comfortable not being liked by everyone:

1. It allows you to be true to yourself.

The biggest disservice you can do yourself is shapeshifting to please your “audience” of the moment. It’s exhausting (even to watch) and, more importantly, pointless. No one will get to know who you really are, which will leave you feeling empty.

2. It gives you the power to say no.

I believe people are good at heart. Still, it’s human nature to test each other’s boundaries. When you’re willing to risk being disliked, you’re able to say no when you need to. Your yeses and nos shapes your future, so choose them wisely.

3. You’re more comfortable exploring your feelings.

Doesn’t it feel good to just be where you are without pretending for someone else’s sake? I’m not saying you should act in anger or fear, just that it’s pretty exhilarating to say, “Hell yeah—I’m terrified” (or lonely or weak or struggling) regardless of what people will think.

4. Your candor can help other people.

An angst-filled younger me made a fake voodoo doll for a middle school teacher who was hard on me, but forever changed my life (not my proudest moment). It’s often the least popular people who strike the deepest chord in us. Be unpopular when necessary and push people to be their best. You just may save someone’s life.

5. You can freely express your thoughts.

One of the kindest things you can do for someone else is listen without judging. You deserve that same kindness, but you won’t always get it. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyway. Let your words be kind but fearless.

6. It prepares you for greater success.

Pick a popular Twitter user and look at their @replies. Odds are they field their fair share of harsh comments. The higher you rise, the more attention you’ll receive, both positive and negative. A willingness to be disliked helps you deal with the added scrutiny.

7. It teaches you to offer kindness and compassion without expectations.

It’s not difficult to offer compassion to someone who treats you with respect and kindness. What’s more valuable for your personal development, and to humanity as whole, is the ability to do what’s right because it’s right—not because you get something in return.

8. You can inspire other people.

There is someone I know who has the uncanny ability to keep going even when others try to pull her down. I learn from her every day. To this woman, anyone who doesn’t appreciate her assertive, over-the-top personality is a reminder that she is unique and unafraid.

9. You can use your time wisely.

If you want to be liked by everyone, odds are you’re spreading yourself way too thin trying to keep them all happy. We need to use our time judiciously to enrich ourselves and others, instead of worrying about everyone’s perceptions.

10. You can choose to smile anyway.

You could use your energy to make daily inventories of everything that’s wrong—the money you don’t have, the esteem you didn’t earn, the people you disappointed. Or you could commit to being your best, and then just sit back and smile. Life will always be a balancing act. Learn to teeter in serenity.

All the Small Things

I went to the driving range today, and realized something: I suck at golf. I suppose, it doesn't matter. But I read this today, and it got me thinking: what are my golfballs? what are my pebbles? what is my sand?

Read and think for yourself. Hopefully, in the end, the golfballs are what you're willing to stand up for. The rest is just sand, a blowin' away in the wind.

Mayonnaise and Beer: Submitted by jrock on Sun, 2007/04/15 - 23:41

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers."


Until later,

Sitting around

I don't have much to say, but this quote got me thinking today. Einstein was a romantic at heart, so I sympathize with this idea.

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s Relativity.”

Albert Einstein

We learned about this thing called Kairos in one of the first theatre classes I took. This was the definition we were given:  Kairos  is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). Chronos refers to chronological or sequential time. Kairos signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. While chronos is quantitative, kairos has a qualitative nature.

The time of sitting with a pretty girl should always be in Kairos, but of course it oftens falls with Chronos. But I love the idea that the special something is dependent on who is using the word. We have the power to make moment be in Kairos. We make our own opportune moment. We make our supreme moments. That's a power that Chronos can't push along. Think about that, okay?

Until later,

Missing the last train home

The point of this blog was always to learn from it. And recently i've learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned. It goes back to the whole having and keeping expectations post. Maybe you're supposed to fuck up every once in awhile. Maybe that's the point of expectations; to learn which ones are realistic and which ones you wish were real. Happiness is when the expectations you have match up with the ones that are realistic. Every once in awhile, you'll be an asshole. Every once in awhile, you'll be a disappointment. Heartache is a part of life, right? I think that's the lesson I need someone to teach me right now. Because it feels a lot like i've suffered a lot more than others my age. And that's not asking for sympathy, because I can be and have been an asshole. But it still makes me wonder.

We cope with break ups and splits in various ways. We let ourselves go crazy, we get out of touch with our bodies. We become a hermit. We pretend like nothing is wrong. We act as if we can survive. We provide ourselves with thousands of reasons why that person wasn't right for us. We think of every reason why that person was right for us. We replace. We suffer. We distract ourselves. None of those tactics can make us feel whole again. And often times, we don't want to whole again. As they say, Time is the only thing that can heal a broken heart.

Ways i've tried to cope: Cut my hair (actually looks okay), talk things out extensively (a bit too much...sorry folks who've had to listen), get some great advice (thanks to those people too), complain, cry, listen to bad music and good music, miss a train home (sorry Mom), and cry some more.

I'm learning each step of the way. And I think the biggest wake up call is when you watch the last train home pull away from the station and get told you have to wait to see the people you love. So you tell me: what do you do when you're left to your own devices and your patience is wearing thin? Do you let others believe you're okay, or do you say exactly what you're thinking and destroy any barrier you've thrown up around you?

Until later,

Everybody Talks

Sometimes Life is too good to post about. Who wants to read about how good someone's life is? Ehh.

So here's something to get started again, as we have to do every once in awhile.

Maybe you’ve had some of  the same insights. Or maybe you’re about to.

1. You are not your mind.

The first time I heard somebody say that,  I didn’t like the sound of it one bit. What else could I be? I had taken for granted that the mental chatter in my head was the central “me” that all the experiences in my life were happening to.

I see quite clearly now that life is nothing but passing experiences, and my thoughts are just one more category of things I experience. Thoughts are no more fundamental than smells, sights and sounds. Like any experience, they arise in my awareness, they have a certain texture, and then they give way to something else.

If you can observe your thoughts just like you can observe other objects, who’sdoing the observing? Don’t answer too quickly. This question, and its unspeakable answer, are at the center of all the great religions and spiritual traditions.

2. Life unfolds only in moments.

Of course! I once called this the most important thingI ever learned. Nobody has ever experienced anything that wasn’t part of a single moment unfolding. That means life’s only challenge is dealing with the single moment you are having right now. Before I recognized this, I was constantly trying to solve my entire life — battling problems that weren’t actually happening. Anyone can summon the resolve to deal with a single, present moment, as long as they are truly aware that it’s their only point of contact with life, and therefore there is nothing else one can do that can possibly be useful. Nobody can deal with the past or future, because, both only exist as thoughts, in the present. But we can kill ourselves trying.

3. Quality of life is determined by how you deal with your moments, not which moments happen and which don’t.

I now consider this truth to be Happiness 101, but it’s amazing how tempting it still is to grasp at control of every circumstance to try to make sure I get exactly what I want. To encounter an undesirable situation and work with it willingly is the mark of a wise and happy person. Imagine getting a flat tire, falling ill at a bad time, or knocking something over and breaking it — and suffering nothing from it. There is nothing to fear if you agree with yourself to deal willingly with adversity whenever it does show up. That is how to make life better. The typical, low-leverage method is to hope that you eventually accumulate power over your circumstances so that you can get what you want more often. There’s an excellent line in a Modest Mouse song, celebrating this side-effect of wisdom: As life gets longer, awful feels softer.

4. Most of life is imaginary.

Human beings have a habit of compulsive thinking that is so pervasive that we lose sight of the fact that we are nearly always thinking. Most of what we interact with is not the world itself, but our beliefs about it, our expectations of it, and our personal interests in it. We have a very difficult time observing something without confusing it with the thoughts we have about it, and so the bulk of what we experience in life is imaginary things. As Mark Twain said: “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” The best treatment I’ve found? Cultivating mindfulness.

5. Human beings have evolved to suffer, and we are better at suffering than anything else.

Yikes. It doesn’t sound like a very liberating discovery. I used to believe that if I was suffering it meant that there was something wrong with me — that I was doing life “wrong.” Suffering is completely human and completely normal, and there is a very good reason for its existence. Life’s persistent background hum of “this isn’t quite okay, I need to improve this,” coupled with occasional intense flashes of horror and adrenaline are what kept human beings alive for millions of years. This urge to change or escape the present moment drives nearly all of our behavior. It’s a simple and ruthless survival mechanism which works exceedingly well for keeping us alive, but it has a horrific side effect: human beings suffer greatly by their very nature. This, for me, redefined every one of life’s problems as some tendril of the human condition. As grim as it sounds, this insight is liberating because it means: 1) that suffering does not necessarily mean my life is going wrong, 2) that the ball is always in my court, so the degree to which I suffer is ultimately up to me, and 3) that all problems have the same cause and the same solution.

6. Emotions exist to make us biased.

This discovery was a complete 180 from my old understanding of emotions. I used to think my emotions were reliable indicators of the state of my life — of whether I’m on the right track or not. Your passing emotional statescan’t be trusted for measuring your self-worth or your position in life, but they are great at teaching you what it is you can’t let go of. The trouble is that emotions make us both more biased and more forceful at the same time. Another survival mechanism with nasty side-effects.

7. All people operate from the same two motivations: to fulfill their desires and to escape their suffering.

Learning this allowed me to finally make sense of how people can hurt each other so badly. The best explanation I had before this was that some people are just bad. What a cop-out. No matter what kind of behavior other people exhibit, they are acting in the most effective way they are capable of (at that moment) to fulfill a desire or to relieve their suffering. These are motives we can all understand; we only vary in method, and the methods each of us has at our disposal depend on our upbringing and our experiences in life, as well as our state of consciousness. Some methods are skillful and helpful to others, others are unskillful and destructive, and almost all destructive behavior is unconscious. So there is no good and evil, only smart and dumb (or wise and foolish.) Understanding this completely shook my long-held notions of morality and justice.

8. Beliefs are nothing to be proud of.

Believing something is not an accomplishment. I grew up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they’re really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because “strength of belief” is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you’ve made it a part of your ego. Listen to any “die-hard” conservative or liberal talk about their deepest beliefs and you are listening to somebody who will never hear what you say on any matter that matters to them — unless you believe the same. It is gratifying to speak forcefully, it is gratifying to be agreed with, and this high is what the die-hards are chasing. Wherever there is a belief, there is a closed door. Take on the beliefs that stand up to your most honest, humble scrutiny, and never be afraid to lose them.

9. Objectivity is subjective.

Life is a subjective experience and that cannot be escaped. Every experience I have comes through my own, personal, unsharable viewpoint. There can be no peer reviews of my direct experience, no real corroboration. This has some major implications for how I live my life. The most immediate one is that I realize I must trust my own personal experience, because nobody else has this angle, and I only have this angle. Another is that I feel more wonder for the world around me, knowing that any “objective” understanding I claim to have of the world is built entirely from scratch, by me. What I do build depends on the books I’ve read, the people I’ve met, and the experiences I’ve had. It means I will never see the world quite like anyone else, which means I will never live in quite the same world as anyone else — and therefore I mustn’t let outside observers be the authority on who I am or what life is really like for me. Subjectivity is primary experience — it is real life, and objectivity is something each of us builds on top of it in our minds, privately, in order to explain it all. This truth has world-shattering implications for the roles of religion and science in the lives of those who grasp it.


Good shit, right? Gotta love insightful people. gotta love people actually posting on the internet. Much love.
Until later,