Missing the last train home

The point of this blog was always to learn from it. And recently i've learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned. It goes back to the whole having and keeping expectations post. Maybe you're supposed to fuck up every once in awhile. Maybe that's the point of expectations; to learn which ones are realistic and which ones you wish were real. Happiness is when the expectations you have match up with the ones that are realistic. Every once in awhile, you'll be an asshole. Every once in awhile, you'll be a disappointment. Heartache is a part of life, right? I think that's the lesson I need someone to teach me right now. Because it feels a lot like i've suffered a lot more than others my age. And that's not asking for sympathy, because I can be and have been an asshole. But it still makes me wonder.

We cope with break ups and splits in various ways. We let ourselves go crazy, we get out of touch with our bodies. We become a hermit. We pretend like nothing is wrong. We act as if we can survive. We provide ourselves with thousands of reasons why that person wasn't right for us. We think of every reason why that person was right for us. We replace. We suffer. We distract ourselves. None of those tactics can make us feel whole again. And often times, we don't want to whole again. As they say, Time is the only thing that can heal a broken heart.

Ways i've tried to cope: Cut my hair (actually looks okay), talk things out extensively (a bit too much...sorry folks who've had to listen), get some great advice (thanks to those people too), complain, cry, listen to bad music and good music, miss a train home (sorry Mom), and cry some more.

I'm learning each step of the way. And I think the biggest wake up call is when you watch the last train home pull away from the station and get told you have to wait to see the people you love. So you tell me: what do you do when you're left to your own devices and your patience is wearing thin? Do you let others believe you're okay, or do you say exactly what you're thinking and destroy any barrier you've thrown up around you?

Until later,