I received some of the best advice tonight. Sometime I forget the advice people give me, so i've gotten into the habit of writing it down as soon as I understand it, somewhere I simply can't forget about it. But then I think, What if writing it down makes it useless? Am I more apt to follow advice I take in internally and let soak within me?
But what is this thing i'm doing here but an extension of myself. Because I have no readers. And that makes me the only reader.
So I guess to take it internally is the same as writing it down here.
The advice was: The minute you get anxious about being lonely and making an emotional connection is when we are furthest from companionship and and when we are most lonely. Our anxiety isolates us from what we fear most. I've struggled with this idea recently, striving for emotional connection to ease my anxiety, when in fact it's a vicious cycle. The more anxious I get about being lonely and not feeling connected to people, the further I get from making a connection, and that leads to more anxiety. Vicious. Vicious, vicious, vicious.
On that note. Life comes full circle often. We see it's dualities all the time. in deaths and weddings. In loss and creation. Life can surprise us, and I think i'm going to start letting it. Because frankly, i'm sick of driving this car. I'll let life do that for a little while.
I am enough. And I will never be fully happy until I realize my contentment with my current situation. I don't need validation, even though I search for it.
Thanks zebra, for that. It means the world.
Until then,
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