This was another post from May 10th. Apparently I just like to make drafts and not post them. It makes a little more sense in the context of a few weeks ago, before I came home.
With the semester coming to a close, it makes me nostalgic. I'm not quite sure what for, because i'm not sure if I want to go home, or if I want to relive this year.
There are times when you go back somewhere you haven't been for awhile and realize that it looks different. The room's a little smaller, and the walls aren't quite as bright as they used to be. It's funny how we create visions and images of what we expect out of the places that were so familiar to us. We know, down deep, that those places were so big and bright as we thought, but we compensated in our minds.
This is an interesting idea, isn't it? That our brain can over-embellish the places that we miss? And when we don't miss them, or dread returning to them, our subconscious does a great job of making those places look shabby, broken-down, and stifling.
So why would our minds do this much work? Why would they go to so much trouble to change the images we have in our heads of our hometowns or other places that we're returning to?
This year kicked me, hard. There were moments where I wanted nothing more than to run away. But now i know that I never truly wanted to run away from the problems I encountered, but instead work through them. If there was one thing that this year taught me, it's that hard-work cannot be taken for granted. If you want something bad enough, you work towards it, and you don't give in until you have gotten it. That's the point. It's heartbreaking at times, and it will make feel crazy at other times. But in the end, it'll be worth it.
Our mind work hard to recreate the images we have of place we're returning to because it would be heartbreaking if they didn't meet our expectations. What if we really wanted to return home, but once we did, we found we didn't fit in there anymore. Maybe our mind want to over-compensate for the fact that they know we have changed. As scary as that seems, maybe it's true.
But i'm glad our minds are looking out for our hearts. It's good to know someone is.
Until later,
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Dat Shit called LOVE
I've been trying to write a post like this one for a while now. But I could never find the right way to talk about Love. You can look at it from a variety of perspectives: scientifically, socially, interpersonally, emotionally, etc. but Psychology Today wrote this beautiful article about how love is "an act of will", giving less power to the idea of "love at first sight", which has always seemed a bit farfetched to me. Attraction is at first sight. While I believe that Love at First Sight can happen, it's rare, and i've only experienced it once.
So read away, and take note. Goooooood Shiiiiiit.
Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to
believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the
pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for
entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be
depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk
food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think
it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation.
One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.
It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.
You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.
Told you so. Keep the love you need. Surround yourself with people who matter and people who care. Search forever for those types of relationships. Until later,
So read away, and take note. Goooooood Shiiiiiit.
The Power of Love
Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not
negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both
physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are
at risk.
It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.
There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.
It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.
There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.
One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.
It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.
- Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love.
- Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.
- Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood.
You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.
- Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partner's need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture. Of course, you don't lose yourself in the process; you make sure you're also doing enough self-care.
- Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they don't get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love.
- Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality. The loved one's reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality.
- Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking.
Told you so. Keep the love you need. Surround yourself with people who matter and people who care. Search forever for those types of relationships. Until later,
Monday, May 14, 2012
Home
"Coming home used to feel so good, now i'm a stranger in my neighborhood"
It's true, I used to love coming home. There are always things about going home for summer that I love: mowing the lawn, seeing my dog, sleeping in a bed I don't have layer with sleeping pads and mattress pads, etc. But things have gotten different for me; difficult is a better world.
There's a moment when you realize that home doesn't fit the way you wanted it to. As child, you spend your life imagining that you'll live in your hometown forever. It makes trips to other places feel like vacations, like you're an intruder in a foreign land. And what makes us feel comfortable is being home, and knowing that there is consistency in your life.
So what happens when your home is no longer the comforting place it once was?
What do you do when you can't relate anymore to the place where you thought you'd spend the rest of your life? Do you detach fully? Or do you try to save the damaged relationship? And how do you tell the people you love that it's not them, it's you?
It's fascinating, the idea of "growing apart". It's something that happens, though, as they say: a part of life. It's funny when they say that the place where you grew up is the biggest part of your life, and yet so is growing apart from that safe haven. Everything in it's due time, I suppose. There's things we have to let go of, though. As long as we're prepared to stay a certain distance from everything in your life.
Actually. Fuck that. Get emotionally detached. Feel terrible when you do. And be heart-broken every once in awhile. It's healthy to know you once had something worth holding on to that you can no longer have to call your own.
Until later,
It's true, I used to love coming home. There are always things about going home for summer that I love: mowing the lawn, seeing my dog, sleeping in a bed I don't have layer with sleeping pads and mattress pads, etc. But things have gotten different for me; difficult is a better world.
There's a moment when you realize that home doesn't fit the way you wanted it to. As child, you spend your life imagining that you'll live in your hometown forever. It makes trips to other places feel like vacations, like you're an intruder in a foreign land. And what makes us feel comfortable is being home, and knowing that there is consistency in your life.
So what happens when your home is no longer the comforting place it once was?
What do you do when you can't relate anymore to the place where you thought you'd spend the rest of your life? Do you detach fully? Or do you try to save the damaged relationship? And how do you tell the people you love that it's not them, it's you?
It's fascinating, the idea of "growing apart". It's something that happens, though, as they say: a part of life. It's funny when they say that the place where you grew up is the biggest part of your life, and yet so is growing apart from that safe haven. Everything in it's due time, I suppose. There's things we have to let go of, though. As long as we're prepared to stay a certain distance from everything in your life.
Actually. Fuck that. Get emotionally detached. Feel terrible when you do. And be heart-broken every once in awhile. It's healthy to know you once had something worth holding on to that you can no longer have to call your own.
Until later,
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Life through glasses
I wrote this post over a month ago and never published it; now it makes more sense and so I finished it:
From March 2012
When I put on my new glasses on saturday I made the joke that everything was more clear to me now. Like "Boom! I can see!" Obviously, I could see before. Not well, but I wasn't blind without them. Well. I wasn't blind in a vision sense. I was blind to what I was willing to do for someone.
See the nice guy is starting to realize that you can finish last and still win the race. Fuck. I wasn't even in the race. I don't want to be in the race. But I guess once you're in it, you're in it to stay. Try to keep up,
Until later.
From March 2012
When I put on my new glasses on saturday I made the joke that everything was more clear to me now. Like "Boom! I can see!" Obviously, I could see before. Not well, but I wasn't blind without them. Well. I wasn't blind in a vision sense. I was blind to what I was willing to do for someone.
See the nice guy is starting to realize that you can finish last and still win the race. Fuck. I wasn't even in the race. I don't want to be in the race. But I guess once you're in it, you're in it to stay. Try to keep up,
Until later.
HYFY
It makes sense that it's been a long time since i've posted. But there are times in life when writing stuff down doesn't seem to do justice to the happiness and magic you're experiencing.
So to say hello again, here's a summary of my life:
So to say hello again, here's a summary of my life:
The Top 10 Relationship Words That Aren't Translatable Into English
Here are my top ten words, compiled from online collections, to
describe love, desire and relationships that have no real English
translation, but that capture subtle realities that even we English
speakers have felt once or twice. As I came across these words I’d have
the occasional epiphany: “Oh yeah! That’s what I was feeling...”
Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan, an indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego): The wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to start.
Oh yes, this is an exquisite word, compressing a thrilling and scary relationship moment. It’s that delicious, cusp-y moment of imminent seduction. Neither of you has mustered the courage to make a move, yet. Hands haven’t been placed on knees; you’ve not kissed. But you’ve both conveyed enough to know that it will happen soon… very soon.
Yuanfen (Chinese): A relationship by fate or destiny. This is a complex concept. It draws on principles of predetermination in Chinese culture, which dictate relationships, encounters and affinities, mostly among lovers and friends.
From what I glean, in common usage yuanfen means the "binding force" that links two people together in any relationship.
But interestingly, “fate” isn’t the same thing as “destiny.” Even if lovers are fated to find each other they may not end up together. The proverb, “have fate without destiny,” describes couples who meet, but who don’t stay together, for whatever reason. It’s interesting, to distinguish in love between the fated and the destined. Romantic comedies, of course, confound the two.
Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese): The act of tenderly running your fingers through someone's hair.
Retrouvailles (French): The happiness of meeting again after a long time.
This is such a basic concept, and so familiar to the growing ranks of commuter relationships, or to a relationship of lovers, who see each other only periodically for intense bursts of pleasure. I’m surprised we don’t have any equivalent word for this subset of relationship bliss. It’s a handy one for modern life.
Ilunga (Bantu): A person who is willing to forgive abuse the first time; tolerate it the second time, but never a third time.
Apparently, in 2004, this word won the award as the world’s most difficult to translate. Although at first, I thought it did have a clear phrase equivalent in English: It’s the “three strikes and you’re out” policy. But ilunga conveys a subtler concept, because the feelings are different with each “strike.” The word elegantly conveys the progression toward intolerance, and the different shades of emotion that we feel at each stop along the way.
Ilunga captures what I’ve described as the shade of gray complexity in marriages—Not abusive marriages, but marriages that involve infidelity, for example. We’ve got tolerance, within reason, and we’ve got gradations of tolerance, and for different reasons. And then, we have our limit. The English language to describe this state of limits and tolerance flattens out the complexity into black and white, or binary code. You put up with it, or you don’t. You “stick it out,” or not.
Ilunga restores the gray scale, where many of us at least occasionally find ourselves in relationships, trying to love imperfect people who’ve failed us and whom we ourselves have failed.
La Douleur Exquise (French): The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have.
When I came across this word I thought of “unrequited” love. It’s not quite the same, though. “Unrequited love” describes a relationship state, but not a state of mind. Unrequited love encompasses the lover who isn’t reciprocating, as well as the lover who desires. La douleur exquise gets at the emotional heartache, specifically, of being the one whose love is unreciprocated.
Koi No Yokan (Japanese): The sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love.
This is different than “love at first sight,” since it implies that you might have a sense of imminent love, somewhere down the road, without yet feeling it. The term captures the intimation of inevitable love in the future, rather than the instant attraction implied by love at first sight.
Ya’aburnee (Arabic): “You bury me.” It’s a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person, because of how difficult it would be to live without them.
The online dictionary that lists this word calls it “morbid and beautiful.” It’s the “How Could I Live Without You?” slickly insincere cliché of dating, polished into a more earnest, poetic term.
Forelsket: (Norwegian): The euphoria you experience when you’re first falling in love.
This is a wonderful term for that blissful state, when all your senses are acute for the beloved, the pins and needles thrill of the novelty. There’s a phrase in English for this, but it’s clunky. It’s “New Relationship Energy,” or NRE.
It’s interesting that saudade accommodates in one word the haunting desire for a lost love, or for an imaginary, impossible, never-to-be-experienced love. Whether the object has been lost or will never exist, it feels the same to the seeker, and leaves her in the same place: She has a desire with no future. Saudade doesn’t distinguish between a ghost, and a fantasy. Nor do our broken hearts, much of the time.
Until later,
Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan, an indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego): The wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to start.
Oh yes, this is an exquisite word, compressing a thrilling and scary relationship moment. It’s that delicious, cusp-y moment of imminent seduction. Neither of you has mustered the courage to make a move, yet. Hands haven’t been placed on knees; you’ve not kissed. But you’ve both conveyed enough to know that it will happen soon… very soon.
Yuanfen (Chinese): A relationship by fate or destiny. This is a complex concept. It draws on principles of predetermination in Chinese culture, which dictate relationships, encounters and affinities, mostly among lovers and friends.
From what I glean, in common usage yuanfen means the "binding force" that links two people together in any relationship.
But interestingly, “fate” isn’t the same thing as “destiny.” Even if lovers are fated to find each other they may not end up together. The proverb, “have fate without destiny,” describes couples who meet, but who don’t stay together, for whatever reason. It’s interesting, to distinguish in love between the fated and the destined. Romantic comedies, of course, confound the two.
Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese): The act of tenderly running your fingers through someone's hair.
Retrouvailles (French): The happiness of meeting again after a long time.
This is such a basic concept, and so familiar to the growing ranks of commuter relationships, or to a relationship of lovers, who see each other only periodically for intense bursts of pleasure. I’m surprised we don’t have any equivalent word for this subset of relationship bliss. It’s a handy one for modern life.
Ilunga (Bantu): A person who is willing to forgive abuse the first time; tolerate it the second time, but never a third time.
Apparently, in 2004, this word won the award as the world’s most difficult to translate. Although at first, I thought it did have a clear phrase equivalent in English: It’s the “three strikes and you’re out” policy. But ilunga conveys a subtler concept, because the feelings are different with each “strike.” The word elegantly conveys the progression toward intolerance, and the different shades of emotion that we feel at each stop along the way.
Ilunga captures what I’ve described as the shade of gray complexity in marriages—Not abusive marriages, but marriages that involve infidelity, for example. We’ve got tolerance, within reason, and we’ve got gradations of tolerance, and for different reasons. And then, we have our limit. The English language to describe this state of limits and tolerance flattens out the complexity into black and white, or binary code. You put up with it, or you don’t. You “stick it out,” or not.
Ilunga restores the gray scale, where many of us at least occasionally find ourselves in relationships, trying to love imperfect people who’ve failed us and whom we ourselves have failed.
La Douleur Exquise (French): The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have.
When I came across this word I thought of “unrequited” love. It’s not quite the same, though. “Unrequited love” describes a relationship state, but not a state of mind. Unrequited love encompasses the lover who isn’t reciprocating, as well as the lover who desires. La douleur exquise gets at the emotional heartache, specifically, of being the one whose love is unreciprocated.
Koi No Yokan (Japanese): The sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love.
This is different than “love at first sight,” since it implies that you might have a sense of imminent love, somewhere down the road, without yet feeling it. The term captures the intimation of inevitable love in the future, rather than the instant attraction implied by love at first sight.
Ya’aburnee (Arabic): “You bury me.” It’s a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person, because of how difficult it would be to live without them.
The online dictionary that lists this word calls it “morbid and beautiful.” It’s the “How Could I Live Without You?” slickly insincere cliché of dating, polished into a more earnest, poetic term.
Forelsket: (Norwegian): The euphoria you experience when you’re first falling in love.
This is a wonderful term for that blissful state, when all your senses are acute for the beloved, the pins and needles thrill of the novelty. There’s a phrase in English for this, but it’s clunky. It’s “New Relationship Energy,” or NRE.
Saudade (Portuguese): The feeling of longing for someone that you love and is lost. Another linguist describes it as a "vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist."
It’s interesting that saudade accommodates in one word the haunting desire for a lost love, or for an imaginary, impossible, never-to-be-experienced love. Whether the object has been lost or will never exist, it feels the same to the seeker, and leaves her in the same place: She has a desire with no future. Saudade doesn’t distinguish between a ghost, and a fantasy. Nor do our broken hearts, much of the time.
Until later,
Thursday, April 12, 2012
To Make a Difference
If there was ever a time where I needed guidance, now is it.
What the hell do you do when you hear that you'd be perfect at one thing, but you just aren't feeling it? I don't mean to bitch. I sound as if I'm bragging. But seriously. I'm caught. I'm stuck. I need to breathe.
I always thought i'd be the one to make a difference. It was always important to me, and I thought it would be my passion. But what happens when the thing you believed since the beginning of a long journey suddenly doesn't make any sense any longer? What the hell do you do when you lose your purpose, your passion? Do you make a difference? Or do you just let fate take the reigns?
I'm terrified of letting fate do what it wants? Because what if it ruins everything you've gained? What if you lose love? What if you lose sense of yourself? Because that's not what I want. I want to be secure. I want what i've gained.
I have found a love that I haven't ever realized before. It has made me question everything I have ever known. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Because she's awesome. You know when you say something so often, then you say if differently once, and it changes you're perspective on it? I find that phenomenon fascinating.
One day i'll have it figured out. Or, you know, before 1:30 tomorrow.
Change your life now, folkes.
Until later,
What the hell do you do when you hear that you'd be perfect at one thing, but you just aren't feeling it? I don't mean to bitch. I sound as if I'm bragging. But seriously. I'm caught. I'm stuck. I need to breathe.
I always thought i'd be the one to make a difference. It was always important to me, and I thought it would be my passion. But what happens when the thing you believed since the beginning of a long journey suddenly doesn't make any sense any longer? What the hell do you do when you lose your purpose, your passion? Do you make a difference? Or do you just let fate take the reigns?
I'm terrified of letting fate do what it wants? Because what if it ruins everything you've gained? What if you lose love? What if you lose sense of yourself? Because that's not what I want. I want to be secure. I want what i've gained.
I have found a love that I haven't ever realized before. It has made me question everything I have ever known. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Because she's awesome. You know when you say something so often, then you say if differently once, and it changes you're perspective on it? I find that phenomenon fascinating.
One day i'll have it figured out. Or, you know, before 1:30 tomorrow.
Change your life now, folkes.
Until later,
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Keep It Simple, Stupid
Here's a story with a moral.
A girl was a sophomore is college. She went out one night with some friends and met a guy who was exactly the type she had dated her whole life. He talked a smooth game, had his confidence, and was easy-going when it came to meeting new people. They talked for awhile, and that night, exchanged numbers. They started texting back and forth (I believe the young-ins call this 'talking' nowadays); they were always very flirtatious, but never took it any step forward. He always talked about how he wasn't any good at relationships, and wasn't looking for anything serious, but thought she was awesome. She immediately got the idea that she could change him (this is one of those classic stories).
A few months later, this name-less girl was introduced to a guy who was a mutual friend of a friend. She was at a casual dinner, and thought nothing special of this guy. He was somewhat outgoing, and nice enough. After a few unplanned encounters, they exchanged numbers, and he did his best to be a stand-up guy. He had fallen into the friend-zone in the past, and worked his hardest to ensure that didn't happen again. The girl saw this effort, and it was intriguing. She found him interesting. He wanted to get to know her better, and wanted to see where it would go. Then he learned of Guy #1, and Guy #1 learned of Guy #2. There was a struggle for affection from this girl. Guy #1 thought he was a shoe-in. Guy #2 thought he was going to fall victim to the same old story. The Girl was torn, because Guy #1 was familiar, and Guy #2 was interesting. So which would she pick?
So she left it up to them. She told both Guys that if they really liked her, and wanted to be with her, then they would have to prove in ten words or less. Guy #1 knew exactly what he would say. The next day both guys went to the Girl's dorm, both ready to prove they were the right guy for her. She opened the door and Guy #1 said "I love you". The Girl was stunned, and she didn't know how to respond. Guy #1 thought he had won the battle for her affections. She turned to Guy #2 and looked at him to state his case. Guy #2 leaned in, and kissed the girl as passionately as he could, then stepped back. And The Girl chose Guy #2.
The Moral: Actions speak louder than words. Don't use 3 words when none will do.
Keep it Simple, Stupid. KISS. Boom Chyeah.
Until later,
A girl was a sophomore is college. She went out one night with some friends and met a guy who was exactly the type she had dated her whole life. He talked a smooth game, had his confidence, and was easy-going when it came to meeting new people. They talked for awhile, and that night, exchanged numbers. They started texting back and forth (I believe the young-ins call this 'talking' nowadays); they were always very flirtatious, but never took it any step forward. He always talked about how he wasn't any good at relationships, and wasn't looking for anything serious, but thought she was awesome. She immediately got the idea that she could change him (this is one of those classic stories).
A few months later, this name-less girl was introduced to a guy who was a mutual friend of a friend. She was at a casual dinner, and thought nothing special of this guy. He was somewhat outgoing, and nice enough. After a few unplanned encounters, they exchanged numbers, and he did his best to be a stand-up guy. He had fallen into the friend-zone in the past, and worked his hardest to ensure that didn't happen again. The girl saw this effort, and it was intriguing. She found him interesting. He wanted to get to know her better, and wanted to see where it would go. Then he learned of Guy #1, and Guy #1 learned of Guy #2. There was a struggle for affection from this girl. Guy #1 thought he was a shoe-in. Guy #2 thought he was going to fall victim to the same old story. The Girl was torn, because Guy #1 was familiar, and Guy #2 was interesting. So which would she pick?
So she left it up to them. She told both Guys that if they really liked her, and wanted to be with her, then they would have to prove in ten words or less. Guy #1 knew exactly what he would say. The next day both guys went to the Girl's dorm, both ready to prove they were the right guy for her. She opened the door and Guy #1 said "I love you". The Girl was stunned, and she didn't know how to respond. Guy #1 thought he had won the battle for her affections. She turned to Guy #2 and looked at him to state his case. Guy #2 leaned in, and kissed the girl as passionately as he could, then stepped back. And The Girl chose Guy #2.
The Moral: Actions speak louder than words. Don't use 3 words when none will do.
Keep it Simple, Stupid. KISS. Boom Chyeah.
Until later,
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