Scotland: A Study in Poetry

You see, American films abroad can do two things: 1. They serve as pieces of nostalgia from the memories back home 2. They allow you to get a slightly different perspective on them.
Now, i've found that it's fairly easy to express yourself in journal entries (or blog posts like these); but I never considered the amount of impact that words can have.
Think about the last thing you said to the person who you love most. Did you weigh your words carefully? Did you analyze how the sentence structure was going to sound? Did you consider how much your inflection impacted the meaning of that sentence? Probably not. Most people don't. But our words seem to be the one thing that can preserve ourselves: "The powerful play goes on, and you get to contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

So here's moments, experiences, emotions, and all that other shit in words. Words ordered specifically and meaningfully (as much as I can get) to fit the right moment. Read, peruse, think or slander them. They're out here to be heard, and hopefully, show a little something.

What you thought

That it'd be hard (it is)
That running back would change things (the outcome)
That you were afraid (could you do it?)
That you'd cry everyday
That you wouldn't be missed
That Seymour was impossible
That a musical in 24 hours couldn't be done (you were wrong)
That you were trying to prove something to everyone else
That it would be life changing (it is, everyday)
That you convince her that Kake was a the best idea
That she didn't actually like you (she does)
That she wouldn't miss you (she does)
That it'd be a bigger culture shock
That travelling wasn't who you were (Fuck dat shit)
That you wouldn't figure out military time
That it'd still be unsettling
That the Scots were all bruts (Jury's out on that one)
That it wouldn't feel as good as it does

Like Clouds Resting
Like clouds resting on foreign mountaintops
I seem to hover above this thing,
this time,
The extreme "out-of-body" experience

And it's you I keep coming back to
like Turbulence that won't go away
But the good kind.
That kind that makes your stomach go into your throat

Flying
Your Smile.

I've got to get grounded





What It is
Sitting in the Airport, waiting to board a flight
She holds his seat with her coat
He gets her a coffee
-forgets how she takes it, goes back 3 times to get it right
He carries her coat, toates her suitcase
She carries nothing

Standing in line, waiting to have your passport checked
He cries, because she won't play with him
She is organizing their travel documents, stops to pretend to eat his fingers
-She can't bear to hear him whimper when she puts him down
She picks him up; he's still hers before any girls steals his heart
For now; she'll take what she can get

Boarding the plane, smiling at the flight attendent
He has talked security into allowing him to escort her to the plane
-She is crying
They stop 3 times, to kiss and hug; like it's their last time (maybe it is)
He whispers words of affection, encouragement
His hand is the last she feels as she ascends the stairs to the plane

Sitting in a chair, hovering above the Alps
Daydreaming about you
Thinking about how crazy I am; how many days since i've talked to you?
Thinking I wasn't prepared for you (for what you could be)
Remembering your eyes, the smell of your hair (and how it lingered)
-the feeling of you breathing as I lay there next to you

It's capable of all these things
And yet;
Why can't we describe it except with moments like these?

I guess, and i'm no expert
It is, what it is.


Hopefully those work on some level.
Here's the breakdown:
-Drunk Disney is the greatest idea anyone has ever had.
-Getting video messages while abroad really makes you miss home. And R. Kelly covers make that feeling soooo much better.
-Italy is the greatest, especially on bikes and bookended with gelato
-Parma Pizza; try it
-A solid friendship can withstand any amount of time that has passed
-Things do look better from above; I understand that now
-Good advice comes from many different places: you just have to know where to listen and when
-Home has changed meaning for me now; i'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing or not.
-Comfort is a beautiful thing
-Sometimes you don't know you need to relax until you actually start to do so.
-Sometimes, saying that thing that won't change things permanently but will temporarily do so, is enough
-Happiness is made from those people who choose to see it everyday, and not by those who think it's something the universe grants.


Until later,

Scotland: Natural Wonders

Here's a tip: if you get the opportunity to drive to the Highlands of Scotland, do it. Drive. Don't hire a bus. Drive, and let yourself be engulfed by the beauty that is Glen Coe, Inverness, and Loch Ness. the mountains literally take you away from it all, and suddenly it's just terrain and sky.

And so you think, can you get closer to peace? Can you feel more in touch with your natural side than at this moment, where the car is bouncing (literally) down the narrow streets and your stomach is dropping every fifteen seconds? Or when the boat sails past Urquhart Castle, and you're reminded of the fact that these things have been here for more than 800 years? And the easy response would be to feel either really insignificant, really small, or to push yourself away from feeling any bit of connection to these moments. But I chose the road less taken (again, literally). I let myself experience the natural connection I had to these moments. And it occurred to me that this is something I don't let myself do very often.

I'm the kind of guy runs back to say that thing one more time. I'm the kind of guy who likes to surprise people, and maybe once surprise myself. And after the week i've had, I have learned a very valuable lesson about being abroad and having this experience: not every day is going to be amazing. In fact, most days might just plain suck. And i'm starting to think that the graph we were shown at pre-orientation is completely accurate: i'm slowly falling into the lull of it. But you keep your head up, and you say to yourself "it gets better". Running back won't always help. That's just part of the experience. And it would be incredibly easy for you to let that ruin it for you. You could let all of that stuff bog you down as you pass my the mountains, the Loch, the pubs. (HINT: don't pass by the pubs).

But I didn't. I lived in the Natural Wonder and relationship that formed. And it hit me; i've only recently felt that a relationship could be so natural. I look back on the types of relationships i've had, and very few came without struggle. Very few came without complications. Very few came peacefully. And i know that we naturally fight for what we want most in life, but I can count on one hand (minus 2 fingers) the number of relationships that just WERE. They say if you want to be happy, you have to just be. And I like that, and I think it applies here as well. If you want the relationship to work, if it's something worth fighting for, you won't have to fight at all. Just be in the relationship. And let the natural wonder of it rush over you. It's pretty incredible.

So keep driving on. Breathe in the mountain air, take another look for Nessie, and be present.

More things about Scotland:
-Weekend trips, while exciting and amazing, are exhausting.
-I can now sleep on any mode of transportation
-Highland Cooooooos are the best. But they pick their nose with their tongue.
-BC Eagles are really good at pub quizzes.
-The MacDonald Clan was a ruthless, heartless bunch. Hoping I didn't get too much of that heritage in my blood.
-Castles are beautiful, but impractical. Very little insulation.
-Don't be stupid at a Pub Crawl. Just don't be stupid.
-Running back isn't always the best option.
-Try to be the person you'd be if you were going into an audition. That way there's no difference between the guy who makes the first impression and the guy who rehearses.
-If given the information that the Bomb will cost the same amount as the Shot, always go with the Bomb.
-The Loch Ness monster is real. No matter who tells you what.
-There's something to be said for believing.

Until later,